This poem-like piece (posted below) I wrote last year.. when emotions of Heather's death were still fresh, the anger was still intense, & the shock hadn't quite worn off.
At the moment (and it varies day-to-day), I don't really feel as intensely angry or hateful towards that person who took her away. I actually feel sorry for him. Not in the way where I think he should be helped. It's a sorrowful fact at how he was molded into such an awful human being. That as a child he had no real family, no father in the picture, a mother who died while he was young, & he was forced into foster care. The idea that this individual had been rejected so much in his lifetime that it had caused him to become insanely insecure. He was so insecure that was unable bear the thought of being rejected again. Rejected by the family he had started, nonetheless. Once again, he was not wanted... And he just couldn't handle it... so he killed her... The most heinous thing he could have done. His life experiences turned him into a monster. A monster who I feel is right where he belongs, a monster I wish had never weaseled his way into her life, home, & family, a monster who we all wish would've let her have the divorce so that they all could have went on with LIVING their lives..
Despite how we feel, this is the reality & it cannot be undone. Domestic violence is a real issue. The aftermath is forever felt by everyone, especially the children. No one could have predicted this exact scenario.
For anyone in a situation where they are trying to escape a bad relationship, the only real advice I can offer is; take all threats of violence seriously, seek help, involve other people, be open with everything going on in the relationship & it's current circumstances, find sanctuary in a domestic violence shelter or in some sort of restraining order.
(October is domestic violence awareness month)
I hate you for what you did..
I hate you for the harsh reminder that life is unfair..
I hate you for the horrid way you proved what we knew already, life is too short..
I hate you for taking away mommy-daughter moments..
I hate you for taking away the mama from a mama’s boy..
I hate you for being incredibly selfish…
I hate you for being so viciously violent..
I hate you for being their father & their biggest nightmare..
I hate you for making me imagine horrific things being done to you..
I hate you for causing special moments to become reminders of what’s no longer possible..
I hate you for making us tear up & cry at any given moment..
I hate you for being the reason certain songs are no longer playful..
I hate you for making me hate you from the beginning..
I hate you for causing me to lose two years of time with someone who I was so close to..and now for the rest of time..
I hate that your life is now a free ride, on our tax dollars..
I hate you for taking such a beautiful person away from us..
I hate you for causing such heartache in us all..
I hate you for how much I miss her, we all miss her..
I hate you for making me feel hate..
I hate that you’re still here & she’s not..
But ultimately, I feel sorry for you..
That you are so sinfully insecure..
A lost soul biding it’s time until it’s burns in hell..
…For now.. This is how I feel..
NoMore.org is a great site for the advocacy against domestic violence http://facebook.com/nomore.org
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I'm a mom of two. A wife. I'm a yooper (live in the U.P. of MI) A postal worker. I'm real. I'm me. This is my start.